A very personal story

Warning – this is a long post about loss and grief. Friends, please don’t read if this kind of thing upsets you.

Last Wednesday my father died.

Wednesday was also the last day I had with my daughter, before I put her on the plane early the next day. She was up for a brief, one week visit. We were to go and have tea with my dad that evening, the last family get together on her hectic itinerary.  At 5pm I rang and said we would be at his place in 15 minutes. Just before we got there my father had just had a ‘turn’ and his wife had called the ambulance. He had an aortic anuerism which we knew would burst one day and that day had just come. An hour later we got the news that he had died.

We are amazed at the timing of it all. If we had arrived five minutes sooner, my daughter (15) would have seen dad having his ‘turn’ and I’m glad she was spared that. 15 minutes later and he would have already been taken away by ambulance. We had a ten minute window of opportunity to see him before the help arrived. As I was talking to him I noticed things about him that I’d not noticed before. Little, insignificant things.

12 hours later I was putting my daughter on the plane (I wish I could tellyou about the delightfull time I had with her). I went back to my dad’s place and just sat and comforted his wife and helped her with arrangments that needed to be made. Dad had said that he didn’t want a funeral and he didn’t want us making a lot of fuss. He was cremated yesterday, just the way he wanted.

I wanted something to commemorate my father and I had an idea to buy a ring, that way I’d have something close to me. I don’t really like to spend a lot of time shopping, so I just left it to fate that the ring I needed would be found. I went to a couple of jewellery stores but couldn’t see what I was after. I thought, I’m going to try one more store and if it is not there, I’ll just give the idea away. I went into the last store, made a selection, slipped it on and immediately knew it was the one. Perfect details, perfect fit.

I got up this morning and thought I do a bit of a tidy up and look for my other rings that I took off 10 months ago, but haven’t been able to find since. Lo and behold, I found them in less than ten minutes looking in the place I had been looking all along. One of the rings is one that I bought myself for my fortieth birthday. I went and bought the biggest diamond ring I could afford with my settlement money from my separation. We were together fifteen years and my partner never once bought me a ring, so to celebrate my new beginning I bought my own. I slipped it on next to my dad’s ring and it sits beautifully next to it. I love my dad.

When I was nine my mother ran away, took us (kids) with her and relocated on the other side of the country. I was not allowed to mention or cry about my dad. Just after I turned forteen my father found us and our reunion was bittersweet. Those few short years intervening years had taken a toll on my father, he was a broken man. I was so delighted to be reunited with him, but then came the parting a couple of days later because he had to go back to his life and work. It was heart wrenching and tramatic. Dad and I had a very bad case of separtion anxiety.

For the next thirty years we went thru the same thing everytime we visited each other and had to part company. We just couldn’t cope with the parting. Several years ago I moved to the city where he lived and found a place to live nearby. For the next five years I got to visit him often and not have to go thru the whole parting ordeal.

Among  other health issues, he had dementia. I would often go around and have a cuppa with him and his wife. Dad couldn’t follow the conversation but would sit and listen as best he could. While I nattered away with his wife I would look at my dad and feel connected to him. But I knew the day was fast approaching when the final separation would come. That day came last Wednesday.

I have coped with it surprisingly well. I’ve cried and felt saddened. That is until today. Today I’m living my separation anxiety. If I had to rate this grieving compared to all the other times I had to go thru this with him I would honestly have to say it is no worse. It is been traumatic every time and it’s intencity was never wavered. And just like every other time, I know I’ll eventually calm down and go about my usual business.

Today I grieve for what happened to us in 1975 when I was just nine years old. Time never did heal that wound, sad to say.

I love you dad.

Kirsty, I Have Not Been Abducted. LOL

I got a phone call today, from my stampin friend, Kirsty. She seemed awfully relieved to have got in contact with me. Apparently she had not heard from me since Tuesday (today is Sunday), and was starting to worry about me. As it so happens, I’ve just got really busy this past week, with a few extraordinary things taking up my time and attention. Kirsty and I have been in regular contact with each other over the course of our stamping friendship. I didn’t  realise how much and often we did talk to each other. That is until today. Poor girl even rang up my boss to try and get some ‘leads’ as to my where abouts. I’m touched that someone was that concerned about me, but I feel bad that I didn’t recognize the patterns I’ve made with my friendship with her.

Like I said, I’ve been extra busy this past week and I haven’t had time to even look at a piece of cardstock. So Kirsty and I got together this afternoon to get creative and laugh about me being ‘missing’. I ended up making a few things, which surprised me since I thought my mojo had gone. I’ve got two cards for this post, which I made for Makeesha’s Inkspiration Challenge.

I made this one first….

…and as I was thinking about packing my supplies away I came up with this card.

The second one is my favourite. I wanted to make a vintagey, distressed kind of card which was predominately the neutral colour. There is a lot of layering and overstamping with this one too, which is a style I really like to recreate. The stamp sets I used are Baroque Motifs, Boho Backgrounds, Just Because, One of a Kind (card 1), and Illuminations and Weathered (card 2).

So what have I been doing that has been keeping me extra busy. Chauffeur driving my boss for the State of Origin game, picking up my daughter (15) who flew in for a quick, unplanned visit and co-ordinating her visit so she gets to see everyone, attending a full day course of study, teaching son to drive (about four hours over a couple of days), attending the annual show in town, as well as the usual working, cooking and cleaning. I think I’ve driven an extra 700 kms this week!! I’m so glad I got to finish my week with some creative fun.

Thanks for dropping by, Theresa.

Makeesha’s Inspiration #9

 Time for another Inkspiration Inspiration from Makeesha.

I saw this card that Kirsty had made for the challenge and wanted to make something along the same line. I love the soft watercolour feel of her card and how she has recreated the impressionist look with stamps. Very clever girl that Kirsty. This is what I came up with.

 

First of all I cut my watercolour paper to size and then ran it under the tap to wet it all over. I prefer to do this instead of just spraying it with water on one side only, because it causes the paper to curl less. After a couple of shakes to get the excess water off, but still very wet,  it is ready to stamp. I used A Rose is a Rose (SU!) stamp set, stamping the big roses first and adding a couple of leaves and blossoms. I also used the spotty stamp from Boho Background (SU!) to create a bit of interest in the background. Doing this while the paper is wet creates patches of colour instead of a clear image.

By the time the first layer of stamping is done the paper has dried enough for the next layer. This next layer will still spread out and blur but not as much as the first. Some areas of the image have been stamped over up to four times till I was happy with the results. By now the paper has dried out a lot more and was ready for the final stamping. using my Rose Red marker I added colour to selected edges of the second part of the two step rose stamp. At this stage it’s good to keep in  mind that a little bit goes a long way. This was then stamped over the top of the roses to add a bit of definition and contrast. The sentiment from Best Yet (SU!) was stamped on an experimental scrap I tested my stamping on.

 I love using water colour paper and I purchased some from SU! to see how it compared with what I already had. I like the SU! paper but wanted a comparable paper that could be bought much cheaper. I like to experiment with my stamping and a lot of it never gets made into a card and SU! water colour paper is a bit too pricey just to experiment with. I am happy to say I have found my cheaper alternative. Art Spectrum Watercolour Pad 300gsm 100% cotton, medium surface. And it’s made in Australia! It took me a while to find it after a lot a searching. So shop around till you find an art supply store that stocks it. You won’t be disappointed.

Thanks for dropping by to see what I’ve been making.

Theresa

Taking a Walk on the Bushy Side

Years ago, when I use to live in a small rural village, I use to go walking nearly every day. There was a lot of open spaces and  treed paddocks to walk thru. I don’t believe that in the ten years I lived there that I ever went three days without going for a walk. Somedays I could hardly wait to get going, or somedays I’d go a couple of times a day. Somedays I was so frustrated I’d march my tension out, other days I was peaceful and just marveled in the joy of going on my walk.

Then I moved to the city. I knew my walk would be something that I’d miss the most, but I thought I’d just readjust to walking around my suburb. Alas I never did get into a habit. It was just not the same. I later moved to a small country town, but it is still essentially a suburban type area, just with a lot less traffic, so I still didn’t walk.

I was telling my friend about how I really missed my bush walks and how I’d like to get back to doing it again. He said I was welcome to walk on his property and his daughter would show me some of the walks. I did not have to be asked twice!!!

I walk with my little guide (she’s 10 years old) up to the top of the hill. Sometimes we go off the cattle tracks and just shimmy up the side of the hill. This photo shows just one such off-the-track route we took.  I was on all fours on this leg coz it was so steep. LOL. There’s a lovely little clearing  up ahead and my guide and I stop, rest, have a chocolate and find a tree to climb!!! I get up the highest, but I do have an advantage of having long legs.

After we get to the top and admire the views of the valleys on both sides of the hill it’s time to come down. Coming down of course requires good balancing skills. And good judgement about where to put your feet. I only made one error when I stepped onto a stone that rolled out from under me.

On the return journey we stopped for a little photo opportunity. Three dogs came up for the walk with us. One of the dogs races around madly thru the scrub, the other one is always off doing his own thing, but this brute lumbers along beside me the whole way. When I first encountered this fellow I was quite intimidated by the sheer size of him, but since then he’s never given me reason to worry.

I’m totally loving my new bush walks. I plan on going once a week. I’d go more often but that might be stretching the friendship. Also the dogs might not be so friendly if I turned up while the owners were at work. Woof!!! Well I hope you liked my little story about a-day-in-the-life-of -Theresa. I might get to share another story some day.

Thanks for dropping by. Theresa